Starmart 4:30 AM…

Still talking to my sweet hot coffee…

Though I was not able to watch the movie from beginning to end, I can relate to Hancock.

He is a man with superhuman abilities, pretty much like the superheroes we admire when we were still young. But what makes Hancock different is that he is not respected in his town as a savior. In fact, he is despised by everybody.

His lair is not a fancy mansion with underground facilities complete with gadgets and equipments like Bruce Wayne’s. His home is on the streets. He destroys things out of clumsiness or maybe because he is intoxicated with alcohol.

He was even put to jail and rehabilitation. What kind of superhero is that? He has special powers but he made himself look stupid in front of people. He does not live the way he should.

But I cannot blame Hancock for being one. He is a damaged man. He had amnesia because he protected the woman she loved a few years back (when Frankenstein was a box-office hit). His love for that woman paved the way for his memory to be erased and life destroyed.

And the rest is history, he entered the new millennium being marked as a**hole. That is until he finally met his beloved by accident. Of course, he didn’t remember her because of memory loss. And the story started there.

At the end of the movie, a surprising revelation happened. The woman whom Hancock loved was also a superhuman. They have this “curse”. Every time these people fall in love with each other and be near with one another, they lose their powers. They become weak. But the moment they go on separate ways, far from each other they become stronger and more powerful.

How sad.

I guess Hancock and I are the same. Maybe the answer to all of these is to go away, far from the person I care for. It’s painful. But at least, she’ll become stronger because of my absence.

At least, my only reason for being happy is the fact that it was not an imaginary love.

It was genuine.

It was true.

Sigh.

5:30 AM…

Starmart , it’s a place I also call sanctuary.

It’s quiet. It’s peaceful especially in this time of day.

I am alone with my best friend. Sad to say, he is no human. He’s a super hot sweet black coffee; at least, that’s what’s written on the machine.

I look at the glass wall as I wait for the sunrise. People start to get thick as the morning breaks. They are happy; they seem to be hopeful on what’s going to happen to their lives today.

Strange, I feel the opposite. As the sun slowly rises, my life drifts away together with it, and then, sadness. For the 10th or so times, I found myself crying again. I feel like dying. I am perfectly healthy. I don’t have any illnesses but it’s as though I have Cancer of a rare type which is taking every bit of my life as the time ticks.

Thankfully, my coffee gives me warmth amidst the cold air that surrounds me.

The very day I was supposed to be born again became the day I died. I tried to fix things with all the effort I could do, but it wasn’t enough. I have collected the pieces of my life only to be scattered again.

Ouch!

The end does not justify the means.

I had my own reasons. But nobody has the courage to listen, or even try to lend their ears. Nobody believes me. It’s my fault. I started it all. Maybe this is karma, and whoever invented this word, I hate him. I am suffering down to my bones. I don’t know where to start again. I don’t know what to do. The only place that gives me solace is the sanctuary where I am sitting right now.

But until somebody dares to listen, it will be me and my cup of coffee.